Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
