So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
