If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
