i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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