this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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