woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
