You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
