I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
