"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
