So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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