Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
