Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
