I think my fart just growled at me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
