I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Welp...herpes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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