I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
