I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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