She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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