I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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