When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
