THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize