Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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