I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
