Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
