i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
