Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
