I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
