I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
