Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You smell like stripper and shame
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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