2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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