Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
