you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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