I wish I could teleport
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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