We're facebook friends in real life
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
