There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize