I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
