Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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