saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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