My nipple is on Facebook.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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