he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
