I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
