They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
