I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
