I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
