Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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