on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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