I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
