So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
