You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
