genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
