Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
