the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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