She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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