was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This is my gift to your gina
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
