Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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