WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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