What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
