Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
