My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
