Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
