At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
