he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
