she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
