What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
